Hyrbid=EPiC FAiL!!

Good evening Galatic Groovesters.

Lt Gen Oohlala signing in today for a report about the movie Hybrid!!

Look at the DVD box cover to the left. What do you see? A pissed off wolf? A guy drenched in blood from his afternoon delight? A filthy dirty lying movie?

The correct answer is: dirty lying movie. Now, i was walking thru Wal*mart, thinking that i might actually wanna give underloved DVD player some attention. Not being one much for movies in general [last time i went to the theatres was when Hancock was out], i was surfing the racks with cheaper DVDs. Checking out the shelfs, this cover caught my eye. Now, i must admit that i do love a good scary movie, despite the fact i am a total pansy & hide the entire time during the moive. But i love the experience regardless. & it has been awhile since i have indulged my bloody sweet tooth, so i picked up the movie for 9$ & skipped happily home.

So, once home [after stopping by SafeWay to get some refreshments aka diet soda], i popped the movie in & settled down for a good old fashion gore fest. Let me say that what i got was NOT "a new breed of terror."

~Spoiler Alert:

This movie sucked.

~Actual Spoiler Alert:

The movie follows Aaron, a security gaurd who, in an attempt to save his friend from a fire [which he started by smoking next to about 4OO barrels of flammable materials], becomes blind. Just before this, a lady wearing a stark white coat explained to a gaggle of people wearing stark white coats that her laboratory had developed a technique for transplanting the eyes of one species to another, displaying a monkey that now has the eyes of Siberian Husky. One of the men wearing a stark white coat was the doctor present when Aaron is rushed to the hospital. He calls the lady in the stark white coat to tell him he has found a young gentleman who might be willing to be the test subject for the first human transplant optical surgery.

While this is unfolding, entre a pissed off Native American lady who finds a wolf with a fierce bite mark. She takes the poor wolfie to a vet, where the next day she finds they put him to sleep.

Back to Aaron, the surgery is about to take place. The donor is rolled in under a white cloth. But surprise, surprise; enough of the donor is hanging out form underneath to show it is the same wolfie that the pissed off Native American lady tried to save. After a very PG surgery, Aaron is taken to recovery, where after a minute of soap opera tense waiting, Aaron has regained his sight, plus night vision!!

However, soon after his surgery Aaron begins to freak out & is hiding in a corner behind a curtain. Soon afterwards, he escapes in broad daylight. He meets up with the pissed out Native American lady by nearly getting run over by her. When she relizes that he has the eyes of the wolf [they do have that distinct shade of goldenrod], she reluntcly takes him on as a hitchhiker & they ride off to a bar. There, Aaron eats raw meat, then gets into a bar fight where he pwns everyone there with some aggressive manly CQC [Close Quaters Combat].

From there, Aaron becomes more wolfie like & blah, blah, blah. The first half of the movie was slow going & i fast forwarded thru some portions because it was pointless dialouge. Nothing really happens expect for the surgery part & the mass of firebombs that causes Aaron's eyesight to go bad in the first place. Watching this, i was just waiting for the bloodshed to occur. The DVD box says the movie has a 9O minute run time, so i expected the bloodshed to occur soon.

So, i waited for the blood. & got none. The rest of the movie was some crappy thing where Aaron is captured, then runs free, eats a guy throat out at the hospital [awesome!! Sort of...], escapes again, & is chased down by people who wear far too much black & do not know how to properly hunt down a squirel not to mention a dude with lycanthropic tendencies. In the end, Aaron is allowed to run free in a nature preserve with his new wolfie friends.

~End Spoilers

Now, when i picked this movie up, i wanted blood. I got a crappy movie. Now, the movie is a B Movie, or so i would call it; which is alright be me. B Movies have a novel charm that can often make them far more enjoyable & humorous than serious A movies. However, this movie did not have that charm.

My main complaint is that there is hardly any blood. Here are all the scene with blood:

1] Blood under that bandages when Aaron is rolled into the hospital after the accident

2] The blood from the raw meat when Aaron is eating at the restaurant before he pwns everyone there

3]Blood when Aaron eats a man wearing a stark white coat's throat

4] Various flashback scenes that are the memory of the wolfie whom Aaron's new eyes come from

5] The fight scene at the end, where Aaron eats part of a guy's face

6] The fight scene at the end, where Aaron pushes a guy & his head hits a rock, killing with a puny little puddle of blood.

6 scenes with blood!! Now, i may be missing a scene where someone gets a paper cut, but still!! If you look back to the cover, the guy is drenched in blood like he just torn out the hearts of 12 men with his bare teeth. The cover says "A new breed of terror." Aaron only kills 4 or 5 people, & 90% of them deserved to die [Only the man wearing a stark white coat did not deserve to die, he was a dick but he has just doing his job as a mental specialist]. When you start the DVD & all of the stupid inescapable ads play, it says this movie is part of the Man Eater series.

A DiRTY FiLTHY LiE!!

There is absolutely no gore. When something even remotely gorey occurs, it is off screen or the camera shifts. & when it goes back, the blood looks like cheap fake blood. The blood of the cover looks gritty & real, like he ate the 12 hearts a couple of hours ago & did not bother to whip his mouth clean. This movie could have been PG-13, PG even [just take out the 2 times bitch was used]. However, this movie has not rated at all. This was weird, but i thought since it was not rated, it would mean it had some really gorey scenes; just like how the unrated versions of movies have material that is well beyond the R rating. But no; my guess is that this moive was so crappy & had such little funds it could not afford to get a rating.

Once more on the cover, half of it is taken up by a less than pleased wolfie with bloodsoaked teeth, which lead me to believe it would be a werewolf movie. The back of the box says:

"When a partially blind man recieves the eyes of a wolf in the first human cross-species transplant, his eyest grows better than ever. Unfortunately, he also starts seeing other humans as prey. Ordered to be hunted down & destroyed, he seeks shelter with a pack of ferocious companions & a sultry woman who has driving animal instincts of her own."

First of all, Aaron has lost of his eyesight in an industrial accident.

Partially blind implies he just has really, really bad eyesight & that he was this way for a while. Secondly, Aaron never sees other people as prey. Sure, he is aggressive, but he never really looks at a human & thinks "lunch." He only eats the guy throat to kill him cause he is feeling caged & needs to escapes. & it was more he bite out the throat, but i thought he ate it cause the damn back of the box says he "[sees] other humans as prey." So, they pretty much lied trying to set Aaron up as a Man Eater [like the damn series of movies this piece of crap is in]. Also, on the back cover -->

you can see that he has fangs. So, it is natural to assume he is turning wolf like; idk, like a WEREWOLF!!! It is not really much of strech to assume by the info on the back & the picutres of the DVD box that this might be a movie about a dude who gets the eyes of wolf, turns into a werewolf or something like that, goes around eating people. But no, this movie has little to do with that. It is more about the whole "science has gone wrong & done something unnatural" route; which is fine. Except the entire moive was packaged as a horror Man Eating movie.

Also, the box makes this "sultry woman who has her own driving animal insticts" sound like female werewolf. In reality, she is just the pissed off Native American lady. So, more lies.

In the end, if you want a movie where there is carnage & a decent, or outrageously high, body count, do not watch this. If you want a crappy B Movie about science gone wrong with cheap blood effects [in the 6 scenes there are blood], then i suggest finding another movie cause this one is simply crap.

Well, after that disappointing report, Lt Gen Oohlala is signing off!!

Good bye till-----

Wait, i am recieving a news flash. It seems that my show has been CANCELED!!!!!!!!!!

Wait, no. Sorry about that. It seems my Sexxy Report Blog shall be moving blogs due to technically reasons [i am switching email accounts]. So, in an upcoming speciall farewel report, i shall post a link to my new site.

This is Lt Gen Oohlala signing off!!